Is That Thought Actually True? How to Challenge a Negative Belief (and Turn It Around)
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The problem with negative thoughts is how quickly we start believing them.
For instance… you can wake up feeling a certain way and within seconds your mind might have already decided what that means for the rest of your day.
That’s what happened to me recently. I’d had a late night at an Ólafur Arnalds concert (massive fan!). When my alarm went off after about five hours of sleep, the voice in my head had already piped in to convince me that the day ahead was going to be a disaster.
The irony? I was about to get on camera and teach a live breathwork session on how to challenge negative beliefs!
So it gave me the perfect opportunity to put the lesson into practice. And that’s what I want to share with you here, because it’s a process you can use whenever you notice your thoughts starting to work against you.
Why a belief can feel like a fact
Wake up with a feeling and a bit of evidence, and it starts to change your behaviour… and then the belief loop begins.
Your beliefs dictate what your mind filters for and what you notice, and in turn what you notice becomes evidence. The evidence creates a feeling, the feeling drives your behaviour, and your behaviour creates results that seem to prove the belief right all along.
When you stop treating every thought you have about yourself as a fact, you create more freedom to decide who you want to be and how you want to show up.
So here is the simple 5-step process to turn it around, adapted from the wonderful work of Byron Katie.
Step 1: Catch it
Notice when your mind is loud and negative, and catch the thought. You are not your thoughts, so take a moment to catch it and separate yourself from it.
Step 2: Shift your state
1. Shake it off. Stand up and shake out your hands, arms and shoulders. Take a breath in, and let it go with a long breath out. You can do this any time you notice a feeling you don’t want to carry into the next moment.
2. Box breathing. Breathe in through your nose for four, feeling your belly rise. Hold for four, keeping calm and still. Breathe out of your nose for four, letting your body relax. Hold for four, soft and gentle with no clamping or tension. Repeat for 5 rounds or more.
If you feel too much air hunger, start with 3-3-3-3 (3 seconds in, 3 hold, 3 out, 3 hold) and build up over time.
Step 3: Question it
1. Is it true?
“Today is going to be horrendous.” Is that true? Hmm… I don’t know. Today hasn’t happened yet.
Usually that first question is enough for me. That little bit of space starts to create more possibility and more curiosity.
2. Are you absolutely sure it’s true?
Could I be 100% certain? No. I’ve taught on less sleep. The evidence I was using was one late night, not a lifetime of them. Sometimes things are true and there is enough evidence. This wasn’t one of those times.
3. How do you react, and what happens, when you believe this thought?
Believing it, I started to feel contraction. My breathing got shorter. I started thinking the whole day was going to be terrible, and I started to behave that way before I’d even got out of bed.
4. Who would you be without the thought?
I’d jump out of bed, dive on camera, enjoy it for what it is, and show up exactly how I am. Yes, a bit tired but still me.
So that’s what I did. And by the end of that morning’s practice I felt like I’d got this huge surge of energy.
A bad morning, or a flood of negative thoughts, doesn’t have to take up your whole day. You always have a choice no matter how strong the feeling is.
It might start off very manual and very conscious, but the more you practise it, the more second nature it becomes.
Step 4: The turnaround
Once you’ve questioned the belief, you go looking for new evidence. Turn it around three ways, and write down real examples for each:
- To the opposite
- To yourself
- To the other
Example: “People always judge me.”
- The opposite: “People don’t always judge me.” Write three examples of when people haven’t judged you.
- To yourself: “I judge myself.” Write three examples that show it was never about them - it’s your projection.
- To the other: “I judge other people.” Write three examples of this projection.
The last two work best when someone else is involved, because they change how you see things. “He doesn’t respect me” turns into “I don’t respect myself”… or “I don’t respect him.” Is it just the mirror you’re experiencing?
For my 6am thought there was no other person, so the opposite did the job: “I can do this live session in 20 minutes.” Three examples came to mind fast of when I’d done this before.
Step 5: Choose a belief you can get behind
If the opposite feels like too big a leap for you: “I’m not good enough” to “I am good enough” - shift it into something you can actually get behind. “I’m learning this.” “I’m getting better every day.”
A heads-up: this might feel a little triggering, especially when another person is involved. That’s OK. You’re working with yourself and what you’re doing is setting yourself free.
Not every turnaround fits everyone, and the goal isn’t to find a better thought. It’s to loosen your attachment to the original one.
And have fun with it
Some of this can be challenging… or maybe it can’t be, and that’s just another belief! Let’s be playful and enjoy the process.
Build Self Belief
The Turnaround Cheat Sheet
- Is it true?
- Am I absolutely sure it’s true?
- How do I react, and what happens, when I believe this thought?
- Who would I be without the thought?
- To the opposite: “People don’t always judge me.”
- To myself: “I judge myself.”
- To the other: “I judge other people.”
The goal isn’t a better thought. It’s loosening your grip on the old one. However you wake up, you have a choice.
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